I have a new definition of being strong. Little kids holding in their fear just in case the Boogy Man decides to pay them a visit. Hold in their fear so he cannot smell it on them. Girls holding back their tears when someone is raping them and taking away their innocence. Innocent children not crying while their parents bash their fist in their angelic faces. Kids whos parents abanded them when they were young and not wanting to have any contact with them. Girl who have to put up with abusive relationships. Young parents who can't even afford a house but working so damn hard for their little baby. Single parents working over-time just to put food on the table for their kids. This is being strong. Not to see how much weight you can lift. Thats pathetic. You might think your strong but think about all those innocent people who have to fight for their lives each day. Not crying over something thats not even important. Who cares if your boyfriend breaks up with you. It's not the end of the world. Find a new man. He was probally fucking another girl while you two were dating. When you think your strong, try walking in someones life that ACTUALLY have REAL problems. Unlike your fake ones.



Stay strong dont let them see you shead a tear for them.
Thats all they want, to see they have defeated you.

I hate being lonley. I always want that one person to be there. Im the type of girl who just wants to be loved for her and she can be herself around him. Its weird how animals know when your sad. Just seeing my fish make me not so lonley. Weird? Ive alwasy had this image of me when im in my 40's alone and with way to many animals. Sometimes that scares me. But really we all die alone at the end. Im not afraid of dying alone im just afraid of being alone my whole life. I would kill to be that girl who he doesnt stop thinking about. I envy those girls. I want to be one of them. You do not know how lucky you girls are. Dont let him go never. I dont have naything else to say about this. Its pretty much self explainatory. 









"Dont ever let them take you alive"
-Gerard Way

Why the hell do I cry about someone who doesnt even care? Whats wrong with me? Im typing lookoing at my fingers and think how disgusted i am with them. Sounds stupid I know.  I really dont know why im wasting my time thinking about him but its just so hard not to. My mouth drys up. My heart pounds. The thought of him fills my mind. Then it goes away. Negative thoughts feel my mind. Thinking of him lookng at girls who are a size zero. I dont know why it just hurts. Thinking of his girlfriend and how they are in love. Then thinking about me and how im falling for someone i dont even know. Its so hard knowing people are talking about you calling you names. When I finally get some confidence built up some asshole ruins it. Short little boys who look like they are four when really their in highschool. Trying to do sexual things to a seventh grader. Your a nasty fucker. Sometimes i wish i could push people down the stairs and laugh as they fall. I have a temper but luckily no one has seen that side. Ive always went to my room to let it all out. I punch my bed, i'll but a freaking pillow if i have to. Just to let everthing out. I sometimes hate my brothers but then realize they are apart of me how can you hate them. They are the only things I have that can make me laugh, make me cry, make me angry, and make me wanna jump off a bridge but after all of it i really truly love them. I guess they really dont understand what their sister is going through. Suicidal thoughts flow into my mind daily. I wonder what will happen if i was gone. Would my brothers care or cry? Would my parents get over it? Would my friends forget me after a week? All this wondering and no awnsers. I think im going to stop now. This is way to long. 


I can't face myself when I wake up
And look inside a mirror
I'm so ashamed of that thing
   - Seether

You know how hard it is to walk in school and look at all the skinny pretty girls? Guys have it so easy they dont have to try so hard just to be noticed. Girls starve themselfs just to get noticed by that one person. I wake up and cant go a day without critizie myself. So many people have no heart and sit there and talk about me. Even have the nerve to say it to my face. If i didnt have the people i have in my life right now i can promise you i would be six feet under.Guys and girls are so cruel. I hate it. I hate waking up and having to go to school. I feel like everyone is staring saying something about me. Its so hard to try and act like nothing is bothering me. You dont understand how much i want to be skinny. Just for a day thats it. Seriously why cant guys love us for us? 

I am not afraid of tomorrow, for I have seen yesterday and I love today.
       -Willian Allen White

Not only is another world possible, she is on her way. On a quiet day, I can hear her breathing.
Arundhati Roy

Serioulsy get a life! If you are immature no one thinks your funny. Face the truth and get a REAL life. On Myspace some highschool made a burn book, really that is beyond immature. Thats just plain stupid. Do you not have any confidence in yourself you have to talk about other people and bring them down? People like that should really be hanged or shot. Sorry but its my opnion. Your beautiful the way you are, dont let someone tell you your not. They just dont see it. Not all of us have the looks, style, popularity or whatever but we are still beautiful in some way. At our school FRESHMAN please grow up! Your in highschool now you shouldnt act like your in 5th grade. Stop being such asses and try to create fights with everyone. Your not all tough.  So if your one of those people please just stop or do us all a favor and shoot yourself. Im NOT saying commit suicide. I know for a fact someone is going to twist my words around. Anyways lets all get along and stop bullying. How does that sound? 
<3



Everybody likes a compliment.
-Abraham Lincoln

I woke up sp happy. I had the best dream. It was about my husband, son and myself. He was a famous football player. Everyone thought I married him for his money. We were walking down a road, which look oddly like Houston, with our son. He was a biracial baby and people didnt like it because i was white and my husband was black. Anyways I was carrying my son, but whoever my husband was walked so slow, he was always on his cell. When we got to a certain place he turned it off to be with us. We just walked and walked and walked, but it seemed like it was the happiest I had ever been. I loved this dream I never wanted it to end. Dreams feel so real, but really their not. I'm leaving today for a church thing. I'm only doing this to make my mom and dad happy.


The only thing you can never change is your values.
       - Michael Johnson

Really I'm not that open, but I am hoping this will help me out. This is my second LiveJournal. I can't remember my last one. Anyways today was a lovely day. I decided that I am now over him. I don't like him anymore. I've moved on darling. I've also notied I am obsessed with death. I can't help it, I am not afraid to die. I'm at peace with it, I think of it like this. Once you die you are finally happy. No one to bother you, your free, your everything you wanted to be. Do you get it? You can't let anyone down. Your gone. Your forgotten. Your on your own. Sometimes I wonder what people think of me. If they are really lying to me just to make me feel better. Either way I still feel horrible. So please stop trying, be yourself.
<3


Wanting to be someone else is a waste of the person you are. - Kurt Cobain